Nothing says “OMFG” like 5-year old Texas bourbon north of two Benjamins.  I don’t have anything against Texas, per se, but these releases come in hot and loud with a one-note punch that screams “Don’t Mess with Texas Whiskey.”  This release shows that if you put wax on it, you can charge whatever you want.

Alternative:  Makers Cask Strength (MSRP: $46 at 108 to 114 proof) For 1/5^th the price and with an extra year of aging, you can get a wax-dipped cask strength bottle that is readily available and much more enjoyable.

You must appreciate the chutzpah of the Diageo marketing team to continue to roll out increasingly lower quality products with a pretty label and watch them disappear from store shelves.  My favorite marketing twist on this “gem” of a 16-year Dickel is the brand recommendation to drink it “neat or thoughtfully garnished with a slice of pear.” Yes, a slice of pear.  Well, if you haven’t been disappointed by Dickel yet, this is your chance.  I’m somewhat shocked the MSRP is so low, but I plead with you to just step away and let that snake bite someone else.

Alternative: Chattanooga Whiskey 111 (MSRP: $26 at 111 proof) If you’re looking for a Tennessee bourbon product that will tantalize your palate, leave a little extra in the bank account, and reserve all of  your disappointment for Fantasy Football team, this is the one to try.  Read our very own review of Chattanooga Whiskey 111 here.

This is sure to ruffle some feathers. But even though EVERYBODY loves Jackie, this annual release always overhypes and underdelivers. The funny-looking commemorative bottle cannot save the average juice inside.  In a normalized supply and demand world, I would walk by this 10 times out of 10 sitting on the shelf and reach for a two-pack of the alternative below instead.

Alternative: Old Forester 1920 (MSRP: $60 at 115 proof) At less than half the cost, the 1920 is widely available on retail shelves and is a consistent performer that is priced well.  But taters gonna tater. So, spend your hard-earned cash on Birthday Bourbon if you must; you’ve been duly warned there are better OF options out there.

Man, those pretty decanter bottles are so attractive. With the Old Fitzgerald name, it feels like you’re buying a piece of bourbon royalty.  I really love almost everything Heaven Hill puts out. Still, every Old Fitz decanter series release has been a dud, and this fall’s special edition will be no different.  It’s not a bad decanter buy at $110, but I bet you won’t see it for less than $250 in most stores.

Alternative: Buy half a case of Evan Williams BIB (MSRP: $19 at 100 proof). Just look for the white labels in boxes stacked floor to ceiling, and you can be in and out before the next tater asks for Blanton’s.

Speaking of Blanton’s, this could arguably be the most overrated bourbon of the new millennium. The sheer magnitude of verbal requests that I have heard in stores makes my skin crawl. Nowadays, I find as many stores with posted notices about Blanton’s as Pappy. Y’all know you can purchase the set of horse toppers for less than the MSRP of a single bottle, right? Or maybe you’re collecting just for the hell of it, like this guy, who doesn’t even drink or like the flavor of Blanton’s bourbon.

For those of you new to the world of bourbon, Blanton’s was the first commercially available single barrel product on the market. It’s certainly not the best single-barrel bourbon on the market anymore. But the Sazerac marketing wizards put that unique shaped bottle and set of horse stoppers spelling out B-L-A-N-T-O-N-S to work frothing a tater frenzy that has no end in sight.

In 2016, I assisted a retail store in selecting a barrel of Blanton’s. After the boxes sat much longer than anticipated, I went back and bought another case from him just to help him get it moved. That was only five years ago, and I gave away most of those bottles in the past couple of years. My preference? Buffalo Trace flagship has the same age as Blanton’s, and the single barrel store picks are less than half the cost. I’m also a huge Buffalo Trace mash bill #1 fan. I am sure mash bill #2 was handed to the marketing team as an experiment that worked as well as Frankenstein’s monster. Now, where are all the villagers with the pitchforks and torches? Oh yeah, they’re camping out waiting for the Blanton’s raffle to start.

Alternative: Four Roses Single Barrel (MSRP: $40 at 100 proof) – Honestly there are a half dozen single barrel products I prefer over Blanton’s, but this guy is always around, aged a couple years longer than Blanton’s, and almost always overlooked.  There are only two types of people: those that agree with me and those that are still trying to get their hands on a bottle of Blanton’s. Drink curious, y’all, but don’t buy the hype or the pretty bottle this year.